CD1 and some OK news

Much has transpired since my last post. We found out we were pregnant May 19th, and then I miscarried May 23. I had an appointment prior to the BFP to get established at a new Doc's office, which I had to change to an OB appointment, which was promptly changed back to a GYN appt after the MC. Funniest of all, I never made it to that appointment either. After the BFP, I had called and explained my medical history and situation to a nurse practitioner there who had ordered me some HCG quants. Like I mentioned, I basically miscarried before anything could come of it so I never made it in for the HCG quants. So I went afterwards to have my HCG tracked to 0 again like is recommended after a molar pregnancy. Surprisingly they were 28, 88, and 102 every 48 hrs which seemed to indicate that I had not miscarried, although at that point I knew there was nothing viable left. A person who should be 6 weeks pregnant should have an HCG somewhere in the 6,000 range, not 28. Two days after the 102, my #s were 91, and after that 69. The Dr determined they were dropping and I could switch to weekly labs. A week later it was 55, which caused her to refer me back to another oncologist to discuss my situation. This week it was 22, which is a much nicer drop. Today is also CD1 so I'm hoping that a few days of serious bleeding will bring me back to negative.

I don't know where this week's results put me. It would seem like its nothing molar related since my labs are dropping at a better rate, but nothing was ever confirmed, and here I am a month after a miscarriage and things have been lagging. My appt with the oncologist is next Monday, but I don't know if I should cancel it at this point or what. I have another draw Monday morning before the appt but it wouldn't be enough time for me to cancel upon getting the results.

I would like to be an 'obedient' patient, but at the same time I don't really see a reason to go back to the oncologist because she will tell me my labs are dropping OK now and that I should continue to wait to TTC. I am so sick of all the needles, the much anticipated results, and the useless visits to the oncologist at this point.

I had been waiting to decide a lot of things in my life based on what this week's results were. If they were high and I was likely going to need chemo or a D&C, I was trying to figure out a way to make my life meaningful, positive and exciting over a 6 month wait. Since they are low I am back on the "I will probably TTC this month even though my Dr would lecture me if she knew" bandwagon. It is really hard to pass up an entire cycle knowing that time is just ticking away. We started this journey 18 months ago, and my EDD for my first miscarriage (the partial molar) is coming up 2 weeks from today, 7/7/09, and I had really hoped and assumed that I would be pregnant by now. I was even hasty enough (back before I knew I had a molar that would consume 4 months of my life) to assume that I would be largely pregnant because it would just happen again immediately.